24 Getting back

These last few weeks has been a rollercoaster. Actually, this whole year has... Sorry that I'm so vague right now. I only do so because I don't have much time to write it all out right now. I'll come back to revisit though.

I just feel like school should just end now. I deserve summer vacation after these past crazy weeks.. haha. But anyway, I'm seeking for advice. How do I get myself back into school mode?? This weekend has been filled with BBQs, pancakes, and sleep, something I've been lacking. But now how do I stop?? It seems now that I've relearned how, I can't keep myself in a living state!

23 20th Annual PCN

22 4 AM Unsucessful unraveling

don't hide behind that camera lens.

you may see the world from a different perspective,

often times drawing from a more positive light

than those around us.

please don't lose it.

keep that iso setting on high.

other people see life in black and white

and never get around to developing their negatives,

but you, you see the world in full color,

so vivid and never ending

with just enough contrast to distinguish each color

and blend them together to create something unique.

don't hide behind that camera lens.

despite all the bright flashing lights emerging from your little machine, people aren't blind.

they can see you, just as you see them,

even when you think they're not looking back in your direction.

i can see you, just as you see me,

though in a light that's different from yours.

i see you and all your genuine colors,

your various tones and peculiar shades,

hidden from everyone, even from yourself.

they blend together to create one

and expresses an indescribable beauty.

don't be afraid to be placed on the other side of the lens,

to be the object of subjectivity.

you are life and life is art,

and it never ceases to create something unique,

like you.

21 The Light

Ah. I truly want to talk about my Spring break, but I know that it will take me forever to do so. Well, a picture is worth a thousand words, right?

We visited the Grand Canyon! It was truly amazing to see. I hope to come back again and see it from the view of the river. =]

Before we left, we visited my brother in San Francisco for his portfolio showing. He graduated! Yay!

He's so handsome! I'm so proud of him. ahha. I look horrible in the picture, having been sunburnt and darkened from the previous weekend. =_= So sad.

Well, I'm back at school. While I'm excited to start a new quarter, I can't believe how tired I already am. It's crunch time for our upcoming Pilipino Cultural Night and there's still a lot of things to do. I'm already starting to stress out, but I'm pushing through! I'm not too tired yet. Come to our show!! It's on April 17 and 18. Please send me a message if you can come down for the weekend!!

At this point in my life, I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do, realizing my goals in life. I'm also feeling more comfortable with myself and understanding my personality better. I know what I do and don't enjoy. Yes, it's good to explore and try new things, and if I like it I'll continue with it. I'm really grateful for good friends and family. I love how they understand and I'm glad to hear from them that I do have my head on straight and that it sounds like I'm thinking through things the right way. <3

20 I should be packing

I should be excited for this trip, but I don't know what to expect. Though that should just add to the fun of it, I guess I'm starting to expect for it to be just like our other Vegas trips where we spend most of our time doing nothing inside the hotel room. Mm.

I've been a little pessimistic lately. I don't mean to, but it's really just within myself. I'm at a loss once again. I think this happens every time I go on break when I find myself having free time, enough to contemplate about life and everything around me. I thought I had it all figured out for a while, but now, I don't know again. I don't know what I want to do in my life. It's weird to not have a set path. I guess you can say that I do: finish college, get a job, start a career. But there are so many detours that I can take along the way and I'm just having trouble figuring it all out. I also feel like there are so many things in my life that are holding me back. People can say "Don't let them," but they're important to me. =/

19 Time likes to pressure me

Ah, it's finally Spring Break. Though I welcome this time with open arms, I can't help but feel pressured for time at the same time. Most of my break will be spent at Vegas and Grand Canyon starting Wednesday night. I'm so excited, but I know I don't have much time to hang around and chill out with my hometown friends. Oh well, there will always be time for that later. I'm trying not to let it get to me. But we'll see.

I'm really trying not to let little things bother me as much, but I think I'm just having trouble sorting everything out. There are things that I just don't say out loud. They're unecessary thoughts, but they're still thoughts that sometimes just dwells inside. I wish I could compartmentalize a little better. Everything just comes together and combines into one big pile of mush.

Anyway.. goals check up:

• keep blog updated - well, doing my best.

• get fit - I got sick for a month and gave up last quarter. I know it shouldn't be an excuse! Plus this whole last week, I ate really unhealthily. I can feel myself being unfit. x_x I'm going to start back up in Spring. Hopefully I'll get my beach body by summer hahaha. But if anything, I just want to get stronger, for real.

• read books - fail! =[

• be more outgoing - oh goodness. I say I've been doing well on that. Besides going out on certain events, I've also been putting the effort in hanging out with people that I don't normally hang out with. It's been fun getting to know them more. Even if we're not doing anything in particular, you learn a lot just by observing sometimes.

• take more pictures - check! It's been fun and I love looking back at them =]

• better in school? - not sure yet. Classes were tougher than I expected and I'm still waiting on grades to come out. I'm starting to take it easier, even though I know I will end up being behind in my flowchart and it's getting harder to get classes now. I just want to take random classes or work towards a minor soon. I feel like college is going by too fast, and I just kind of need to slow it down a little bit. I want to be able to enjoy more of the little things and little moments.

18 Billy's Balloon